I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
