I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When are your genitals available?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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