she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
