this beer tastes like vomit already
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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