its not stalking. its research.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
