Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
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My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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