# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
