If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
