i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
