he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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