I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
