i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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