You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
