My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
