I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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