Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
