No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
