Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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