I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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