remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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