I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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