Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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