We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
