i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
