I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
