I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
