i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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