omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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