Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
