So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
