Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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