I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
