Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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