I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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