sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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