Moan for me like Helen Keller
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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