Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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