We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
