Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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