And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
