Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
