1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
