My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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