that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
honey bunches of taint.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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