Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
