I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
