so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
