I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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