"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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