We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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