I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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