Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
