but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I can text with my tongue
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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