hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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