When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
PANTIES FOUND
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