You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
