So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
