i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
