The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There r osticjed everywhere
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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