The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
