My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
