Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
