Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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