you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
