Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
