the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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