Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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