did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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