Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize