Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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