don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
