We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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