My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
