I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
